The Blog That Strives To Remind You That The Smallest Minority On Earth Is You The Individual.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
An Open Letter to Truthers and Other Assorted Conspiracy Crackpots
Dear Conspiracy Theory Nuts,
contrails in the sky are not, I repeat, are not, chemicals being sprayed by the
government to give us all auto-immune diseases, 9/11 was not a government plan
to either a) save Larry Silverstein tons of money, or b) give George Bush a
good excuse to invade Iraq.
How do I know
this? Two words: Edward Snowden. The government is filled with people. Most of
them are toadies and lackeys just hanging about until they can collect their
pensions, but some of them, (and this is where your conspiracy theories fall
apart), have souls and consciences. Therefore, it is not possible for such a
large-scale governmental act of war against its own citizens to have taken
place without someone, somewhere, saying something.
This is how I know
there are no Martians at Area 51, no Rothschild Banking Conspiracy, and how I
know the CIA did not knock off JFK.
When we run around
spouting silly conspiracy claims and acting like paranoid pseudo-intellectual
1960s drop-outs without actually thinking, we disgrace the lives of the people
we lost on 9/11.
Hate me if you
want, but I'm right, and you know it. Having to watch every nutcase conspiracy
theory get trotted out every September is infuriating, and makes the already
tough job of commemorating our own personal losses that day even harder