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Wednesday, September 11, 2013

An Open Letter to Truthers and Other Assorted Conspiracy Crackpots

Dear Conspiracy Theory Nuts,

 Just like contrails in the sky are not, I repeat, are not, chemicals being sprayed by the government to give us all auto-immune diseases, 9/11 was not a government plan to either a) save Larry Silverstein tons of money, or b) give George Bush a good excuse to invade Iraq.

 How do I know this? Two words: Edward Snowden. The government is filled with people. Most of them are toadies and lackeys just hanging about until they can collect their pensions, but some of them, (and this is where your conspiracy theories fall apart), have souls and consciences. Therefore, it is not possible for such a large-scale governmental act of war against its own citizens to have taken place without someone, somewhere, saying something.

 This is how I know there are no Martians at Area 51, no Rothschild Banking Conspiracy, and how I know the CIA did not knock off JFK.

 When we run around spouting silly conspiracy claims and acting like paranoid pseudo-intellectual 1960s drop-outs without actually thinking, we disgrace the lives of the people we lost on 9/11.

 Hate me if you want, but I'm right, and you know it. Having to watch every nutcase conspiracy theory get trotted out every September is infuriating, and makes the already tough job of commemorating our own personal losses that day even harder

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Such a simple and obvious argument. Thank you.