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Friday, March 8, 2013

Pop Quiz! Post-Apocalyptic Sequestration Edition

Okay students of democracy and freedom! This has been a very busy week and I'm not sure everyone has been paying attention so we're going to have a little Friday morning pop quiz!

Score 10 points for each correct answer, zero points for each incorrect answer. There are no trick questions, there are no sketchy deals.

Multiple Choice (Pick the answer or answer that best suit the question)

1. On Monday, Janet Napolitano (D-Obama) tried to make sure people were properly upset about the horrible 1.2% sequestration of federal growth sending federal spending levels all the way back to the horribly austere days of 2011 by saying "We are already seeing the effects at some of the ports of entry - at the big airports, for example. Some of them had very long lines this weekend." She named three airports that had suffered delays for the first time in history due to the sequester: Chicago's O'Hare International Airport, Los Angeles International Airport and Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport. Secretary Napolitano's words are an example of:
  1. An ignorant political hack with too much power
  2. Utter bullshit
  3. A calculated attempt to blame everything on anyone other than Barack Obama
  4. An honest attempt to inform the American populace of what she truly believed is happening
  5. Premeditated governmental propaganda meant to keep the American populace cowed with fear
2. Pick the statement that was not made on March 5, the first full weekday after the sequester ended America as we know it. 
  1. “We haven’t had any slowdowns at all, [and I've] “received no reports of unusual security delays.” - Marshall Lowe, spokesperson at LAX
  2. “There have been no abnormally long lines at the security checkpoint nor unusual aircraft delays at Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport as a result of sequestration.” - DeAllous Smith, spokesperson at Hartfield-Jackson
  3. "I can't believe this! Everything left on time today, for like the first time in history!" - Pomegranate Jones, spokesperson at Liberty International Airport of Liberty Newark New Jersey
  4. “We’re not seeing any impact at the moment. Our biggest problem this week is going to be weather rather than the sequester.” - Jean Medina, spokesperson at Airlines for America
3.  On Wednesday, Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) took to the floor of the Senate to filibuster the vote for John Brennan for CIA chief. Paul spoke for twelve hours. On Thursday the Senate approved Brennan's nomination, and Attorney General Eric Holder sent Paul a terse letter finally answering the simple question Paul wanted answered before he voted on Brennan. A filibuster is our constitutional republic's way of:
  1. Giving the minority faction on a given vote one last chance to gum up the works of the well-oiled machine we call "Congress"
  2. Allowing John McCain and Lindsey Graham to prove once and for all that they are actually Democrats, and jack-asses to boot
  3. An old-school way Democrats historically tried to prevent the Federal government from passing bills ensuring civil rights for blacks
  4. A cheap way for a presumptive presidential candidate to get on television
  5. An agreed upon way for the minority faction to voice its displeasure with a bill that is going to pass anyway
4. On Friday morning Chuck Todd (D-NBC) actually aired a report on NBC about the Obama super-PAC OFA selling quarterly access to the president for $500,000. This is an example of:
  1. A false report by a news organization hell-bent on bringing down the president
  2. A news reporter with a bad goatee and a low-functioning political IQ trying to make a name for himself
  3. The inevitable end of the love affair the corporate media has had with a president who is more interested in using them for his political gain than he is in being a leader
  4. The fact that even the hard-Left lunatics in this country are waking up and realizing something is rotten at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
  5. The end of Chuck Todd's career
5. For a week, we here on the East Coast were warned about a horrible winter storm that was going to dump upwards of eleven feet of snow, with 100 MPH winds, flooding, locusts, death, mayhem, famine, pestilence and fender-benders all across the land. Which if the following actually took place?
  1. Snowmageddon
  2. Locusts (in Egypt, but hey, it's still locusts!)
  3. Snowpocalypse
  4. Massive layoffs and delays which killed the robust Obama Recovery because of the diaboloical sequester that was Obama's idea but is the Republican's fault
  5. Jim Cantore felt frustrated because nothing got destroyed

Match the Picture

  1. A failed maverick presidential candidate who is attempting a Jedi mind-meld on you to get you to believe he is actually a Conservative and not a Democrat flunky, toady or lacky
  2. Chicken Little after realizing the sky does not fall just because he wants it to so he can ensure more people will buy into the lies he sells in order to maintain his tenuous grasp on power
  3. The reason music sucks anymore
  4. A nice kosher delicacy imported to Israel from Egypt just in time for Passover
  5. Worst nightmare of the following: Democrats, Republicans, Obama, the corporate media, Acme Drone Company
  6. Hoof Hearted
A.
Exodus-style: Locusts leave Egypt for Israel
B.
Justion Beiber in London yesterday
C.
John McCain (R D-AZ)
D.
And Hoof Hearted by nose!
E.

Barack Obama, Democrat
F.
Rand Paul, American



Answer Key

Multiple Choice:

Question 1 = 2 (however 1,3, or 5 are also acceptable for full credit)
Question 2 = 3
Question 3 = 5 (however 1,2, or 3 are also acceptable for full credit)
Question 4 = 4
Question 5 = 2

Match the Picture:

1-C
2-E
3-B
4-A
5-F
6-D

Your Score (110 possible total points)

110 points: You are a good American with a properly functioning intellect. Thanks for stopping by.
0 - 109 points: Dude, really?

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