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Thursday, February 28, 2013

Damn You Sequester, I Was Looking Forward to the Weekend

I read books. I read Bob Woodward's book The Price of Politics when it came out. It is clear in that book that the sequester was Barack Obama's idea. Of course, according to the White House, Woodward is a senile old fool who doesn't understand anything:
"Watching Woodward last 2 days is like imagining my idol Mike Schmidt facing live pitching again. Perfection gained once is rarely repeated." - Former senior adviser to President Barack Obama (D-America), David Plouffe
Which, when translated means: "Picking on Republicans is okay, but you cross the line when you pick on us Democrats."

Then there's this little under-handed Chicago-style threat to Woodward from National Economic Council Director Gene Sperling:
"You're focusing on a few specific trees that give a very wrong impression of the forest. But perhaps we will just not see eye to eye here. ... I think you will regret staking out that claim."
Which, when translated means: "You will be proven wrong, but I'd check under your car just to be safe."

I was in Chicago this week during a snowfall of eight inches. Judging from the reporting of the hysterical Chicago media over the snow that fell during the day, those people are not as tough as we are led to believe they are. They just act like they are.

I admire Bob Woodward. Back when journalists were actual grown-up people with pride, integrity, intelligence and allegiance to the truth (and not the Democrat party), Woodward brought down Richard Nixon, the Worst President Since John Tyler. Now in the age of feckless fools like Brian Williams and Chris Matthews, Woodward is being excoriated by the kids that suck up to the Second Worst President Since John Tyler, Barack Obama.

Anyway, enough of my ranting about integrity and honor, it's not like my horrible ex-wife is going to read this piece or anything. The point is, we are all going to die tomorrow. The sequester is so bad we're all going to wish the Global Warming induced asteroid that almost killed us a couple of weeks ago (Celebrating Stupidity - February 15, 2013) had actually taken us down the path of the dinosaurs.

Here is a list of some of the things that are going to happen tomorrow. I know these to be true because Barack Obama said so:
  1. Houses across the country will burn down because firemen, who are not even funded by the federal government, will get laid off
  2. Crime will climb 318% by noon Friday because local police departments, who are not dependent on the Federal government for funding, will have to fire all of their policepersons
  3. All children born between right now and sometime during George W. Bush's second term will forever be illiterate and malnourished because Head Start, the federal program that has successfully removed the parent from the parenting equation will end
  4. Osama bin Laden will swim to the surface of the Indian Ocean (where he is supposedly buried) and, zombie-like, will lead a resurgence of al Q'aida even though Barack Obama has single-handedly rid the world of the scourge of danger
  5. Horsemeat may sneak into our food chain, and if not, then all meat sold in America after 3:00 PM EST Friday will be rotten because federal inspectors will be on a soup line in Des Moines
  6. 357,298,011 illegal immigrants will camp out on Janet Napolitano's front yard because they have no where else to go
  7. Aircraft carriers, especially the USS Ronald Reagan, will spontaneously sink sometime around 0730 hours Saturday morning
  8. North Korea will finally win the Korean War
  9. Air travel will be ground to a halt by an out-dated and over-used Air Traffic Control system and over-reaching and nasty TSA agents. Oh wait. Nevermind
  10. The Pope will retire
  11. National Parks will close, giving bears and antelope a much-needed rest from all the morons who taunt them on a daily basis with Cracker Jacks and Baby Ruth bars

Being of sound mind and reasonable body, I looked over President Barack Obama's (D-America) list and realized what he is trying to sell me is complete non-sense. Here's what is actually going to happen tomorrow:
  • $42.7 billion will get cut from defense (7.9% cut)
  • $28.7 billion will get cut from domestic discretionary spending (5.3% cut)
  • $9.9 billion will get cut from Medicare (2% cut)
  • An additional $4 billion in other mandatory cuts will take place (a 5.8% cut to non-defense programs, and a 7.8% cut to mandatory defense programs)
These are the cuts for this year, with more cuts to follow for the next six years.

This sequester will total $85.4 billion from a projected spending figure of $3.6 trillion. I can't say "budget" because the Democrats don't pass budgets anymore since that would force them to be responsible with my money.

Now would be a good time to tell you that $85.4 billion is 2.37% of $3.6 trillion. Let's look at what a 2.37% cut means:

This is a made-up chart for illustration purposes only. 2.37% is actually much smaller than indicated. I used "budget" because "expenditures" took up too much room.

For you low-information voters out there, I'll put it a different way:

Since this is the last day of America because John Boehner and Mitch McConnell weren't smart enough to cede complete control of the sequester over to the Drama Queen-in-Chief (D-America) and let him completely own what cuts were made where, I have prepared a comprehensive Official Reality-Based Libertarianism and Other Stuff Sequester Survival and Prevention List: *
  1. Stop voting for idiots

* - Note at the bottom: I'm a freaking moron and I was able to figure out that the only way to stop the political non-sense President Barack Obama (D-America) continually foists on an obtuse American public is for the Republicans to butch up and hand ownership of all of the tom-foolery to the President, who has final say on what gets cut anyway.**

** - Note at the absolute bottom: Usually the Note at the Bottom is small, but I really wanted you people to understand my point here, so I yelled it at you.

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