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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Democrat or Republican? A Hobson's Choice for a Stumbling Nation

Warning! This piece may be difficult for some of you to follow, but trust me, it all comes together in the end. That being said, to all of you people who are going to read this and then send me nasty messages claiming I am stupid and that my writing is so horrible they can't even figure out what I'm talking about, you are wrong. 
This Blog is like life itself--you have to put a little effort in.

Hey, Hey, GOP We Won't Drink Your Hemlock Tea

While doing research for this piece (which came to me while I listened to one of my annoying dogs pant incessantly at four o'clock this morning), I came across this website: Hemlock Tea. For those of you too lazy to click the link, it's a website called Zazzle.com that allows people to design their own tee-shirts and sell them to all of the people out there hungrily waiting to buy things they don't really want.

In this case, it's for a tee-shirt that looks like this:
Model supplied by: Cliches R Us Modeling

 The tee-shirt is expertly described thusly:
Hey, Hey GOP - We won't drink your Hemlock Tea! A current twist on the Vietnam war era protest chant "Hey hey LBJ How many kids did you kill today?" Hatriot Republican teabaggers are poisoning our public and political discourse and threaten to poison our legislature. If we let them ascend to power, they will end Medicare and Social Security, close the Post Office, starve children and the poor, strip away the rights of the working class, defund education, deregulate everything from food safety to Wall Street, etc. while cutting taxes for billionaires and doing nothing to create jobs. They'll be more deadly than any war has ever been.
Now, obviously the creator of this slice of modern fashion is a bit of a moron, but there is no questioning his fashion-sense.

Why I'm Right And You're Wrong (Unless You're a libertarian)

The best thing about being a libertarian is that my political philosophy is the only one that exists solely for the uplifting of human spirit and potential. Everyone is created equal, but circumstances and choices muddle the equality within minutes of our birth.
  • Circumstances are those things we have to overcome on our road to fulfilling our potential. Maybe mom was a drunk or dad was a philanderer. Maybe you were born poor with limited choices. Those are your circumstances, and unfortunately no matter what a politician looking for a job will tell you, they're yours and you have to own them. I've got my own problems.
  • Choices are the stupid things we do along the way that destroy our potential, or if we're smart, choices are the smart things we do along the way that help us unlock our potential. Either way, your choices are yours to make--and yours to live with. I've got my own problems.
Whether you believe in God or not, circumstances and choices are the basics of our human existence. What we do with them are the legacy we leave behind after the incredibly brief time we are here on the planet.

Hobson Left Those Damn Frat Boys With No Choice

Thomas Hobson was a livery stable owner in Cambridge, England, back in the 16th Century. Students from nearby Cambridge University would rent his horses, but they always wanted the fastest, most energetic ones. Hobson was more interested in rotating through his stable to keep all of his animals fresh, so he gave his customers a choice: rent the horse nearest the door or don't rent a horse at all.

Basically, Mr. Hobson gave his customers no choice, (if they wanted to ride a horse that is).

The Choice Offered By the Republicans

Let's assume for a moment that the Tommy-Hilfiger-To-The-Intellectually-Lazy I made fun of earlier is right and Republicans want all Americans to die a Socratic death by ingesting hemlock tea. Ooookay, with me so far? We're going to sip the tea and die. All of us, even millionaires and billionaires. Well maybe not them, but the rest of us will all die horrible deaths as Dick Cheney, Mitt Romney and Scott Walker pour hemlock tea down our unwilling gullets.

The Choice Offered By the Democrats

Native Americans, sensing the jig was about to be up, would capture a couple of white settlers, I'll call them Thaddeus and Jedediah. The Natives would then dig a hole, pour tree sap over one of the captive's head, in this case Thaddeus, and then invite Jedediah to watch while ants slowly and methodically gnawed Thaddeus' face off. Once poor old Thad was dead, Jed was free to go back to his white friends and explain what was waiting for them. (Unfortunately for the Native Americans who tried this, the plan usually backfired, because most times the white settlers would do the 19th Century version of a drive-by shooting in the Natives' village later that evening).

The Democrats are offering us a chance to be slowly eaten by our ravenous selves as we bury ourselves to the neck in a mountain of debt and bad ideas. This is the choice the party of big government and citizens-as-slaves is offering this election season.

The Hobson's Choice of the 2012 Election

  1. Being buried to my head in debt while ants gnaw at my face after they've finished feasting on the succor of sweetness provided by the Democrats. Not my cup of tea.
  2. Drinking hemlock tea. Also not my cup of tea.

The difference is, I have the choice not to drink something that will kill me. I do not have the choice to have others bury me to my neck and entice ants to gnaw on my face.

Screw you Hobson! It's time to stop choosing between certain death and possible suicide. It's time to remove America's Social Democrats from office so we can begin the slow task of economic recovery and the restoration of our natural rights as human beings.

I'm not a Republican, but I am smart enough to understand my choices.

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