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Tuesday, June 5, 2012

On the Occasion of Queen Elizabeth's Diamond Jubilee. Not That We Should Care, But For Some Reason We Apparently Do.

Note At the Top: I am compelled to remind you people that royalty, the worship of human beings, and the exaltation of people because of their station in life is inherently destructive to the well-being of the citizenry, but you're all apparently too busy cheering Queen Elizabeth to notice.

In case you readers of American residency haven't been paying attention, the figurehead monarch of a foreign country has apparently been on the throne for sixty years and the people are rejoicing. My first response is that anyone, especially someone of the Queen's age, who has been on the throne for sixty years should probably look into adding some fibre (note: proper English spelling) into her diet.

The Queen of England's Diamond
Jubilee is today. This is a picture of
Elton John and you should be ashamed
of yourself for thinking what you just
thought.
Other than to look at the cool buildings in London I have no interest in the coverage of the Queen of England going to lunch, or Pippa being somewhat trampish, or what finger nail polish Fergie's daughter is wearing (her nails were painted up with Union Jacks), or that red-headed prince's giant teeth. However, all of you American people are obviously so enamored of a system we fought a war to escape that you have forced me to watch this silly waste of time and money in a foreign country non-stop for the last five days.

In all fairness, the Today Show did do a segment exalting Barack Obama's latest campaign ad whilst (note: English-type word) mocking a Romney ad during a brief cut-away from breathlessly covering the Queen of England being driven -- Miss Daisy-style --to lunch.

Personally, as a libertarian, I think all people all equal and it's what they do with their equalness that matters. In the case of you Monarchists, Democrats, and the royal family (note: disrespectful non-use of capitals), it's really just a matter of who your mum and dad are. And we celebrate this?

Needing a dose of reality and a sense of perspective on all of this Jubilee celebrating, I ran to my copy of Common Sense by Thomas Paine. For those of you who went to a public school in America in the past thirty years and were therefore only taught that you should be nice and have high self-esteem, Thomas Paine was an English dude who moved to America and ranted about England and the King and all of the taxes and bad things the English government was jamming down our throats, back when Americans actually had the cajones to stand up to bad government. Today he would be called a Tea Bagger by the enlightened Liberals who are fast-tracking the American train right off the tracks.

But enough about American liberals and the god-man-child Barack Obama they worship blindly as if he were some sort of royal person, let's pull some quotes from Thomas Paine to put all of this people-worshipping into perspective.

I like this one because it predicts Prince Charles, and it says that hereditary monarchy will ultimately result in giving the people an ass for a leader.
"To the evil of monarchy we have added that of hereditary succession; and as the first is a degradation and lessening of ourselves, so the second, claimed as a matter of right, is an insult and imposition on posterity. For all men being originally equals, no one by birth could have a right to set up his own family in perpetual preference to all others for ever, and tho' himself might deserve some decent degree of honours of his contemporaries, yet his descendants might be far too unworthy to inherit them. One of the strongest natural proofs of the folly of hereditary right in Kings, is that nature disapproves it, otherwise she would not so frequently turn it into ridicule, by giving mankind an ASS FOR A LION."
When faced with the daunting task
of meeting an old lady from England,
Barack Obama isn't sure whether he
should bow or curtsy.
I know all of you monarchists and people of United Kingdom in general are all really steamed at me right now because you think I don't get what the royals actually stand for. I get it, I get the whole bit, which to me makes it even worse.

Anyway, let's get back to connecting the Queen's Jubilee with what's going wrong in America today, especially among those denizens of the Cult of Personality: Democrats and people who are actually enjoying watching the nauseatingly constant coverage of the anniversary of the figurehead of a government from a foreign country that we used to pride ourselves on rejecting.

Here's another quote from Thomas Paine. In this little gem, Paine expounds on the silliness of thinking that some leader's dopey kid might actually turn out to be anything other than your typical twenty-year-old sitting on the couch all day eating Cheetos and playing Grand Theft Auto while he waits for his mom to cook his steak and cut it up into little bite-sized chunks:
"Secondly, as no man at first could possess any other public honors than were bestowed upon him, so the givers of those honors could have no power to give away the right of posterity, and though they might say 'We choose you for our head,' they could not without manifest injustice to their children say 'that your children and your children's children shall reign over ours forever.' Because such an unwise, unjust, unnatural compact might (perhaps) in the next succession put them under the government of a rogue or a fool."
In this picture, Barack and Michelle find out that
Elizabeth and Phil get to be in charge of England for
ever and ever and ever. 
Finally, this gem from Mr. Paine sums it all up. First of all, it's not God who picks a leader (Barack Obama sycophants take note), it's the guy with the sharpest ax and the most dumb people following him (or in modern parlance, the guy with the most compelling made-up backstory and David Axelrod), and second of all, people who "promiscuously worship" their leaders usually know not the difference between the Ass and the Lion.
"England since the conquest hath known some few good monarchs, but groaned beneath a much larger number of bad ones: yet no man in his senses can say that their claim under William the Conqueror is a very honourable one. A French bastard landing with an armed Banditti and establishing himself king of England against the consent of the natives, is in plain terms a very paltry rascally original. It certainly hath no divinity in it. However it is needless to spend much time in exposing the folly of hereditary right; if there are any so weak as to believe it, let them promiscuously worship the Ass and the Lion, and welcome. I shall neither copy their humility, nor disturb their devotion."
So seriously people, I dig that people in England are proud of their heritage and the grand history of the United Kingdom, but that's their gig -- not ours. We're supposed to be against inherent inequality, even if it does wear a nifty hat and ride in a pumpkin coach. We're also supposed to be against out-of-touch leaders who flaunt their wealth and power over the non-God chosen people inhabiting the countryside.

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