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Monday, April 23, 2012

Trolls Have Feelings Too

In my personal life I hardly ever argue with anyone. Occasionally I'll have words with one of my dogs when I can't find my shoes in the morning, and of course the paperboy's car needs a muffler, so I'm up every morning at 5:00 AM cursing at him. But these are less arguments and more the rantings of an otherwise peaceful and nice person. I don't like to call people names -- in spite of my exhortations last week to ridicule Democrats -- but I don't like to be hornswaggled by BS either.

I have two liberal friends. They don't like my politics, and I wish I could convince them that they are pursuing the wrong reforms. One I argue with regularly, but we remain good friends, and the other has decided that I am too far gone to discuss politics with without making himself crazy.

Everyone else gets really, really, upset with me. I think it's because I push their political buttons by pointing out the faults in their arguments. They just think I'm an @$$%^&*, or a troll, or a bunch of other things they wouldn't call me if they owed me money. *  

My public life as an unrespected and unknown political blogger is one long crawl through the political minefield of personal attack and vitriol the Left has planted over the past thirty years. I argue with people all the time. In fact, my master plan to ridicule Democrats comes from knowledge gained through experience that the only thing Democrats understand are personal attacks. Except for the two fine people mentioned previously, I've never once had an argument with a Democrat or Left Winger that hasn't ended up with me being called names that would hurt my mom's feelings.

Here's how a typical argument goes:

ME: I believe in truth, justice and the American way. I have a deep-seated distrust of people who think any form of government is anything more than an impediment by degrees to personal liberty. I also detest labor unions, especially public ones, and I think Obama isn't very good at his job, which is therefore making life difficult for everyone -- even members of his Cult of Personality.

ANONYMOUS HATER WITH UNDERDEVELOPED POLITICAL IDEAS: #$%^  &* troll. George Bush ruined the country.

ME: Okay, but I think all government is too big and has too much influence over our daily lives, and I worry about the future because I believe the children are the future.

AHWUPI: You're an $$%^&* you stupid idiot. George Bush ruined this country and Republicans like you are racists. You're such a loser troll.

ME: Okay, but I think the Federal government is too big and we're almost beyond the point where the electorate can control it with just our votes. I also think Barack Obama is a divisive politician who doesn't have the best interests of people outside of his constituency in mind.

AHWUPI: Shut up you moron. George Bush ruined this country and Barack Obama inherited the worst mess since the mess your parents inherited when you were born. Why don't you go @#$%  @#$%&&:-(  you piece of crap? (Ed. Note: An actual quote, as are almost all of these fine examples of Lib-think).

ME: But I believe in unicorns, and rainbows and puppies too, just like you. I just don't think any government bureaucrat or elected official is in the position to give them to me at a price I'm willing to pay. I'd rather pursue my own unicorns, rainbows and puppies. Government doesn't really do anything well and should stick to taking care of infrastructure and keeping the Commies out of the country.

AHWUPI: You racist conservative trolls are all alike. @#$%   ^&*$! Barack Obama is only trying to level the playing field because you rich white guys stole all of our money because of bankers and Wall Street. Big Oil wants to destroy the environment, plus, America made the climate get warm and snowboarding sucks until like February now.

ME: Doesn't the Constitution guarantee a level playing field?

AHWUPI: Racist @$$%^&*. What about slavery?

ME: Didn't we end slavery? I mean I understand this country has its blemishes and faults, but Jeeze Mareeze, we've come a long way, don't you think?

AHWUPI: America sucks and so do you. Barack Obama and the Democrats, now that they're finally in charge, are going to pay you @#$%^&*:-)ers back make everything fair, starting with the corporations and bankers. Capitalism sucks and so do you.

ME: We don't actually live in a capitalist society. We live in a federalist society with central planning, and taxation and regulation coming from an anonymous government that exists for its own sake.

AHWUPI: Tell the shrimp in the Gulf of Mexico we don't live in a capitalist society. BP capitalized their tiny little asses right into oblivion. Evil corporations, Wall Street, George Bush, you racist @#$%.

ME: That's fine, but I just think each individual can do a better job taking care of themselves and their families than a bureaucrat can.

AHWUPI: It's the same old story with you racist Right Wing lunatics. What about people who can't take care of themselves? The system is not fair. The government needs to protect us from evil corporations, Wall Street and George Bush. You're really an @$$$%^& aren't you? You just don't get it.

ME: Give me some facts. Show me some data that will prove we're heading in the right direction.

AHWUPI: National healthcare, foodstamps, the stimulus, Cash for Clunkers, unemployment, green energy.

ME: But I think those things show a negative trend.

AHWUPI:  That's because you're an @$$%^&*, you @$$%^^&*. #$%^ you @$$%&*:-(. You racist Right Wing lunatics are all the same. We're in a recovery from the greatest financial disaster ever!

ME: One point something growth and eight point something unemployment is not a recovery. Regulations are holding back businesses, tax rates are unfair, and the national debt is choking capital expansion. Wait until inflation kicks in.

AHWUPI: Rich people don't pay enough taxes, moron troll.

ME: We could confiscate all the assets of every rich person in the country and our problems wouldn't change.

AHWUPI: Warren Buffett's secretary.

ME: Makes like $250,000 a year. You're kidding me, right?

AHWUPI: The government needs to level the playing field.

ME: But you have the White House and the Senate -- two-thirds of the government. Obama's gotten everything he's asked for. What's happening now can't possibly be George Bush's fault can it? And how are evil corporations and Wall Street keeping the economy from bouncing back?

AHWUPI:  George Bush.

ME: Excuse me.

AHWUPI: Evil Corporations. Rich people.

ME: Really?

AHWUPI: George Bush ruined this country and you are a troll, $$%  ^&@.

At that point I begin to feel sorry for the both of us. I feel sorry for the AHWUPI because he is setting himself up for a life of disappointment, and I feel sorry for myself because of the contusions the brick wall of ideology is causing my head as I pound it over and over again trying to help the AHWUPI live a better life.

If you believe, like me, that the children are the future, stop spending their money and stop restricting their access to the kind of freedom and prosperity they deserve -- even the kids you don't like very much. If you are a children and you are the future, take my advice, watch who you hitch your wagon to.

* - NOTE AT THE BOTTOM: Lest you think I am talking directly about you, I'm probably not - unless you've insulted me recently for insulting your entire belief system. I apologize for that, but somebody had to do it. Anyway, I'm blessed to have a growing audience wih over 16,000 new individual readers since January. I piss off a lot of people, but that's okay, I'll be fine -- thanks for asking. Chances are, if I've pissed you off, it's because deep down inside you know I'm right and that's killing you. That's okay though, you'll come around. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

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