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Friday, September 23, 2011

The Orlando GOP Debate: A Review For The Short Of Attention

President Obama is so beatable that the GOP field is actually growing. We had eight last week, we got nine last night. If you always wanted to be president, now is the time. On a related, yet unrelated note, the softening of Hillary Clinton has begun. I'm seeing a lot of Bill and Chelsea on TV lately, and trust me, that is no coincidence. If I was President Obama, I'd start squirreling away the good china.

I skipped the last debate because I was bored and busy with politics. Last night I was still bored, but I didn't have anything else to do, so I watched.

There was one clear winner last night who I will announce at the end of the review. I will review the candidates in the order they appeared on stage, left to right.

Brett Baier, Megyn Kelly and Chris Wallace did a good job. Now that the GOP debates are a regular feature on the fall schedule you can notice the commentators fleshing out their characters. Brett is an old-school news guy, Megyn seems like a nice liberal lady who got her job as part of Fox News' Affirmative Action for Libs program, and Chris Wallace had the smartass smirk in full effect.

Here's an idea for the next installment: Ask the question and give each candidate thirty seconds to respond. That was a brilliant way to contrast each candidate without having to suffer through the Punch and Judy Perry and Romney Show ad naseum.

  • Gary Johnson: Well, he's a quirky little fella, innit he? But he's got the right answer from a Libertarian point-of-view. I liked what I heard. Chance to be nominee: 2% *
  • Rick Santorum: He's growing as a candidate but he's still a bit churlish. I do like what I hear from him, I just wish I had been hearing it all along. Chance to be nominee: 5%
  • Newt Gingrich: Comfortable and brilliant as always. He keeps getting stronger with each new episode. Chance to be nominee: 2%
  • Ron Paul: He didn't even seem the least bit crazy last night. In fact, his Libertarian point-of-view was spot on and almost, dare I say it, populist sounding. Chance to be nominee: 2%
  • Rick Perry: The Prince of Neo-Con just doesn't do it for me. The mainstream Republican party will slobber at his feet, but he's just not going to solve our problems. Chance to be nominee: 87%
  • Mitt Romney: The Duke of RINO looked weak and was too busy monomaniacally swatting at the Prince. Again, the mainstream GOP will love him and force him upon us, but he ain't got it. Chance to be nominee: 89.5%
  • Michelle Bachmann: Obviously her handlers thought it best to keep her quiet, and to a certain extent it worked because when she did speak she seemed much stronger than she did on last week's episode. Chance to be nominee: 1%
  • Herman Cain: He's got the plan, he's got the personality and he keeps getting stronger with each new installment of the GOP Debate Show. It won't be long before the MSM has to pay attention to him. Chance to be nominee: 8%
  • Jon Huntsman: Too liberal, too embedded in the Washington mindset, yet somehow last night he managed to make himself relevant. Electing him would be like electing John McCain, or Romney or Perry. Please don't do it. Chance to be nominee: 52%
The big winners of the night were not the candidates or Fox News. The big winners were the American people. Talk of restructuring the EPA, dismantling the Department of Education, and giving America a sane - and fair - tax code are now part of the mainstream political dialogue in this country. That's a good thing.

I'm not a fan of bi-weekly debates this far out, but if they are going to bring this kind of sanity and common-sense to the dialogue, well, then, debate away!

* Note at the Bottom: The new feature, "Chance to be Nominee" is a scientific number I derived from adding the media's fascination to the Mainstream Republican Party's reliance on weak and liberal candidates. I then divided that number by the sense they made when they spoke and mulitplied that number by the amount of hair spray they used right before going on stage. After my calculations were completed, I threw that number out and took a guess based on what I think all of you people will do.  

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