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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Till Death Do Us Part Unless I Bang-Zoom Send You To The Moon First: Carl Lewis and Pat Delany vs. Jennifer Delany

I meet crazy people all the time. This past weekend I met some crazy people who put the cherry on top of the crazy-person sundae. I know crazy women who get all up in yo grill when they've been dissed (I do live in New Jersey). I know crazy husbands who yell at Little League umpires like they were witnessing deliberation on a Death Row case.

But this crazy person may just have taken the cake...

Patrick Delany is was an 8th District New Jersey Republican Assemblyman who may have just found reasonable grounds for divorce. A little backstory...

Carl Lewis, who is originally from Willingboro which is located in the 8th District, decided he would like to run for the State Senate against Mr. Delany.  Lt. Governor Kim Guadagno (R-NJ) ruled Lewis ineligible to run for state office after it was found he had only registered to vote in New Jersey on the day he declared for office. Lewis had been a resident of that other bastion of corruption and stupidity California prior to, I guess, moving back to New Jersey. Therefore, Lewis needed help from the court system in New Jersey, which only works for Democrats. Luckily Mr. Lewis is a Democrat. After some backroom deal making, the lieutenant governor's ruling was declared invalid. I like Carl Lewis because I saw him on TV during the Olympics and he seems to have a nice smile. Other than those two facts, I don't know much about him, but he can't be any worse than all of the other "leaders" of our crappy fair state.

I know you're bored, but we needed the backstory.

Mr. Delany has just pulled out of the State Senate race because his wife is one of those people who plot against Girl Scouts when they sell more cookies than her daughter does. You know the type, you love to sit next to them at CYO basketball games because they make such a-holes out of themselves. Here's what the ever self-controlled Mrs. Delany wrote to Carl Lewis in an email:
Imagine not having to pay NJ state income taxes. It must be nice. Imagine getting a court ruling overturned so your name could get put on the ballot. Imagine having dark skin and the nerve to think that equalled [sic] knowing something about politics. Sure, knowing someone with fat purse strings is nice, but you have no knowledge.
Lewis' campaign denies leaking the email but I don't believe them. It's a shame Lewis' campaign people are so feckless because I would've released the email in a heartbeat.

Here's what poor Mr. Delany had to say right before he contacted an old friend who happens to be a divorce lawyer:
I am deeply disappointed in my wife's decision to send that email to Mr. Lewis' campaign. It does not reflect my personal belief's whatsoever. In an attempt to repair the serious damage this has caused to our marriage, and to protect our kids from public humiliation, I decided to leave public life.
I have seen lots of women humiliate their children. I have seen lots of men ruin their lives and careers with stupidity. This is the first time I have seen a Little League Mom do both with one ill-advised click of the SEND key. I would like to thank Mrs. Delany (insert sarcastic smirk here) for handing political neophyte and backroom deal-maker Carl Lewis the State Senate seat from the 8th District in New Jersey. Nice job honey.

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