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Friday, August 26, 2011

Hurricane Irene: A Checklist

Here is an important checklist to think about before the hurricane hits:
  1. If you have to be told not to go into the water during a hurricane, well, it's not going to help society much to put in effort and risk lives to save you
  2. If you own a home right on the ocean and you don't let me cut through your property to get to the beach, don't ask me to help you rebuild your house, you snot
  3. If you are told to evacuate and you don't, well, see Item #1
  4. If you need to be told to have a flashlight and water at the ready, it is likely that you are only three years-old and you shouldn't be living on your own just yet
  5. If you need to be told to bring your lawn furniture in before a hurricane hits, don't bitch at me when it lands in my yard and I keep it
  6. Yes, the power goes out, and so does the cable
  7. Yes, bad things happen sometimes
  8. You should wear a slicker when you take the dogs out to pee
  9. Don't buy frozen dinners to help you get through the hurricane. Spam is good. Peanut butter is better
  10. If you live in New Jersey, you're going to have to drive to Pittsburgh to avoid this one, so make sure you have plenty of gas
You're welcome.

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